I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
