I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
