she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you didnt know i had herpes?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
