one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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