Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
