I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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