whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
