Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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