Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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