Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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