Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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