Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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