Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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