Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Randomize
