oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
