Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
