Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
