Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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