she was so not down for the gang bang
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
