i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
