after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
