my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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