david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
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All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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