it was like eating out sand paper
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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