It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
