i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We have started to decorate penises.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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