Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
