last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
