i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
