All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
