Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
