Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
