Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
