Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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