dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
