Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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