So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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