I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
