Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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