do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
