he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
