Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
