I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Alive.
So much puke
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
