The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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