i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
