jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
