i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
