Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
