hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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