piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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