I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
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i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
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Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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