I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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