I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?