My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
