Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
