Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
