I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
