Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
