Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
