What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
