I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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