i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i dont even know how to be here
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
