he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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