My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
