I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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